It was 2014 , August 2014 and I found a website when I was stalking other photographers. You see I had just resigned to be a photographer full time and I was looking for inspiration.
And then I found it, my heart pounded, I was totally addicted to the pictures that were unfolding on my screen.
As each image loaded my mouth hung lower and lower, my eyes grew so big, my fiance (now husband) had such a giggle, thinking I saw a ghost.
There was this beautiful tattoo’d goddess on my screen, beautiful brown locks and posed on a chair in an elegant hotel room.
I fell inlove, not with the goddess (although she was totally breathtaking) but with the genre that is called boudoir.
Sexy… naked…. porn. That is what the response was to me wanting to shoot boudoir.
I wanted to be different, I wanted to shoot this classy boudoir that had me mesmerized.
She was elegantly, stylishly showing the world that she was beautiful, she had so much confidence!!!! I secretly wished I had the confidence.
I mustered up the courage and sent the photographer a request for a quote, I regretted it the minute I sent it, I am not pretty enough, what was I thinking? This girl didn’t have cellulite or a mommy tummy hanging out. Nope nope nope. I deleted the quote with out even opening it.
I am going to be totally real here…. I am a mom to a 3 year old and a 9 year old. That is 10 years of damage. Some of it was self inflicted crying in a corner with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates because I felt like a bad mom, but that is for another blog post.
So I have :
** Pregnancy stretchmarks (my daughter calls it the love letters she left on my stomach)
** Chocolate stretchmarks – pretty self explainatory (I am slightly addicted)
** Corporate stretchmarks (from sitting on my bum and eating all day) and varicose veins from sitting cross legged while working in corporate
** Wrinkles from laughing so hard at my husband’s silliness
** Bags from lack of sleep
** A kangaroo pouch from carrying two almost 4kg babies in my womb and lived to tell the tale (champion!!!!)
** Very deflated boobs…. this is my toughest toughest worry … I breastfed for a long time
** Frown lines from my kids and from kicking caffeine (trying to deal with stupid is really hard and my face sort of shows that in my frown lines)
** Grey hairs…. this I blame on genetics, I went grey at 19 and I have been covering it up ever since
** A double chin…. I like to smile inward, which is a problem sometimes
Yep! In what world would that look sexy right? Right???? I can already see some men reading this rolling their eyes (especially my husband) and some woman nodding their heads in agreement … I get you babe.
So this guy in the office…. he had a cousin who was studying photography and wanted a model….. I took the plunge… I just sort of HAD to try it you know? Especially since it is a genre I really wanted to get into
Let me ask you…. do you see my stretchmarks? My bags? My grey hair? My saggy boobs? My cellulite???
Neither do I! I was sold…. So I decided I wanted to do this, it is my passion!
I started advertising boudoir…. and then came the objections. No , no , no thank you, and no again.
But you see, I am stubborn , really stubborn. I was like a bitbull with a ball….
I WILL show women how gorgeous they are and what the world sees! I will show them how their partner sees them. I will show them their inner glow!
So I did a photoshoot with a friend, probono…. when I look back I cringe at my editing style but we all start somewhere right? I can’t share her face because of a privacy agreement…. but I can show you a tiny bit of how I started
Very badly exposed, dutch tilt and sepia edits.
I don’t even think I had Lightroom or Photoshop – all edited on the free photo thing you get with Microsoft.
While it wasn’t TERRIBLE it gave me a good start at what to expect… and it was hard work…. lots of hard work!
But I digress…. I am trying to actually show you that you are not too fat, ugly, scarred, wrinkly, cellulite ridden, flabby, flat chester or **insert your excuse here**.
This is me just before my own wedding (2015)…. this is what I gifted my husband.
It is the funniest story… I had my old Canon, and I did the settings right, my mom was my voice activated tripod and shutter pusher…. I tried to pose….
P.S My husband will probably kill me for sharing these (sneaky laugh)
So… now let me ask you…. do you see my saggy boobs? My cellulite? My bags? My wrinkles?
I can assure you my husband did not!
Oh and hey! I had some grey hairs there! Would you look at that! I didn’t even see them…. you know what I saw? A saw someone confident in her own skin….
I started loving myself again after the shoot…. I wanted to share that with the world.
Now please…. tell me again why you can’t gift yourself the self confidence you deserve ?
Love and light